Tuesday, November 29, 2005

The Emergency Room

So, I went to the Emergency Room in a moment of panic Sunday afternoon. That chest pain that I mentioned the other day was in reality 8 days of chest tightness and a consistent pulse of 100bpm. While driving down the highway at about 1:00pm on Sunday I suddenly began to have trouble breathing and almost passed out. Now I am conscious of the fact that I am a hypochondriac, and I'm prone to anxiety, so I try to pay most of these things little mind. But this time I was driving at 70mph when it happened so my freak out was multiplied.

I just happened to be one exit away from a hospital so I decided that I'd stop into the emergency room and get myself checked out real quick. I immediately should have turned around and walked out. The place was packed with very sick, low-income people and there was a pretty substantial line to even talk to a nurse. It turns out I went to a level 1 hospital, one which specializes in taking care of people who have no insurance. Now, I'm quite glad that places like these exist, however, if your ailment requires anything more urgent than 10 hours waiting time you are probably going to die. So I waited for 10 hours, talked to a doctor for 2 minutes and then decided to sign myself out against there wishes. It was hell, I am sure of it. It seriously felt like an artfully construed episode of the Twilight Zone.

They are billing me for a $50 deductible as well. And that tightness in my chest is still there even as I'm typing this. However, I am pretty confident of the fact that it is nothing so serious that it needs any immediate attention. My guess and the doctors as well is that it is just anxiety. If we are wrong, well, I don't know, I guess I'll cross that bridge if I come to it or something like that.

Other than the whole hypochondriatic anxiety thing, I have to say I feel pretty good. I guess if nothing else, this experience gave me an appreciation for how healthy and privileged I actually am.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

The Worst Anxiety of My Life, Yet Happy Thoughts

For the last week or so I have been having the worst anxiety of my life. It is beginning to manifest itself physically. However, the fact that I have thought that I was dying pretty consistently since I was 12 has made me pretty productive in certain parts of my life.

Oh, life is soo cyclical. Ok, I refuse to be anything but optimistic on this website. Ok, so that is probably not true.

Ok, scratch everything I just wrote. Thanksgiving was flipping amazing, it is still the weekend, and I am going to a new church here in Dallas tomorrow; all things to be excited about. WOO!

Monday, November 21, 2005

R.I.P. Glenn Mitchell, Dallas Fort Worth Will Miss You

I was woken up this morning by the news that one of my favorite National Public Radio Hosts, Glenn Mitchell, had died. Glen introduced me to public radio. His show, which airs Monday through Friday from noon until two in the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex has been a pretty constant staple of my day since I was introduced to Public Radio in the Spring of 2003. Glenn Mitchell was the quintessential NPR intellectual. At least three-fourths of the time I could barely follow what he and his guests were talking about. But Glenn was in no way an elitist. He was brilliant, but he was accessible and his enthusiasm for knowledge was absolutely contagious. If I had a hall of fame for people who embodied this idea of loving knowledge, and experiencing all that life has to offer, Glenn would be one of the premiere members. He died at 55, which seems young and therefore a tragic loss, but I can't look at it that way. What Glenn accomplished in his 55 years I could only dream of accomplishing. He touched the lives of thousands. I will miss Glenn, but I am forever thankful that I got to know him, even if it was only through my radio.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Overly Excited

This has been the best week of my career in terms of opportunities to further my development as a director.

Oh by the way, I'm a filmmaker. It seems like everybody wants to be one lately, but I made a really bad short film once so I guess that legitimizes me to some extent.

If everything works out as planned I will be getting two Mac Quad G5s, an HD camera, going to Costa Rica to shoot an environmentally conscious pilot, nicely supplementing my income, and working myself into a coma. I feel overwhelmed. I'm excited, but when I get excited I tend to have an irregular heart beat.

Oh, I should probably note that I am also an extreme hypochondriac. That's not actually diagnosed.

One other thing; my office had a Thanksgiving feast today and I ate more food than I thought was possible and I'm hurting.

Mmm, yams with marshmallows.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

The Meaning of Deliberate Industries...Coming Soon

Allow me to start out by saying that this post will not expound the meaning and purpose of Deliberate Industries, that will come soon. However, I will say this:

This website is for people who see potential in themselves and potential in what we, together can do to better the lives of others. If you like art, if you like music, movies, traveling, good food, fun people, if you are a person who likes to dance, or a person who would like to be a person who likes to dance; if you would consider yourself a bon vivant, or if you are a person who just looked up what bon vivant meant, this website is for your enjoyment.

If you consider yourself one of these people, know this: YOU ARE UNIQUE.

Here is a picture that I hope will give you some sort of enjoyment.



In the future there will be pictures and songs and recipes, my favorite kinds of dogs, cool place to go, good movies to see, and most importantly, profound statements of observation that will hopefully make your worldview a brighter and more positive one.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

In the Vein of dooce.com

I want to start writing about work. I have one of the most interesting job situations, and I'm not even saying that to be deliberately egomaniacal.

In the new year, i.e. 2006 (1.1.06) I will reveal my identity as well. Although it's already half revealed, but I like that I have a secret. It makes me feel like a super-hero. Like, Batman.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

I changed my mind.

Never mind about everything that I said about not creating a blog where I just rant about how depressed I am and what I ate for lunch and religion and self-righteousness and about how much everybody else sucks and about how I see it all so clearly and everyone else is a zombie. I'm going to write about all of that.

This blog is going to be amazing, and when I say amazing I mean that it is going to be entertaining if for no other reason than the fact that my mind is a bipolar trampoline.

Right now, I am feeling like all of my creativity and artistic sensibilities, if I ever had any to begin with, are draining out of my brain like melted butter from a cheap paper cup. That analogy is a perfect example of this. It doesn't even make sense.

Jeez, I want a new pair of shoes. I think that a new pair of shoes would solve my every problem. I wish that I had a machine that could transport me to R.E.I. so that I could buy a new pair of Solomon trail running shoes. Then I would look so sporty as I walked around the office that everyone would think that I was an avid mountain biker and outdoorsman on the weekends.

The other morning I decided that if I were a rapper that my rapper name would be the Weekend. By 10am I had realized how incredibly nerdy this was, and I actually felt ashamed.