Thursday, April 27, 2006

Vegas Baby, Vegas

I'll be going to another bachelor party this weekend. This time for my best friend Ben. Ben is a Christian and thus doesn't want to do the stripper thing. I personally have never been to a strip club, I mean what would we even do there? Yet he insisted on his party being in Vegas so that everybody could do EVERYTHING they wanted. Originally, there were some crazy fellows slated to be on the trip and things were sure to have gotten interesting. They've all dropped out and now it will be five believers, so things are sure to stay pretty tame. Wish me well.

I Feel Like Screaming

I did it again. I quit Safari as I was typing and lost everything. I was writing a letter in first person to a person. It was really artistic let me just tell you. Well, I'll never get it the same and it’s incredibly late, so I’ll just state blatantly, what I was going to say through some sort of poetic prose. Dangit, here goes:

I went to a bar called the Old Munk tonight with some friends that I went through the RTVF major at TCU with. Our waitress was really cute. I decided I had a crush on her. This happens a lot, and I’ll convince myself that I am in love with these girls that I don’t even get a chance to talk to and then I’ll beat myself up thinking that she was the “one” and that I missed my only opportunity. This lasts for about 3 hours. Her name was Cassie and she was tall and thin with long dark hair (they usually look like this). She wasn’t wearing any makeup, and she probably didn’t need to. And she was wearing formless Levi’s instead of designer jeans. This only added to the mystique….so….Kyle and I are going back there tomorrow. He saw a waitress off in the distance that looked like Audrey Tautou. Who knows? Maybe we found our soul mates.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

2 New Ambitions to Add to the Mix

I think it's safe to say that this blog has lost all focus. One day it's a short story, the next a poem, the next a political rant, a link or a self pitying jaunt into some depressive tendency. So, here is what I am doing:

I will soon be launching two new blogs.

1. A blog about filmmaking, equipment, movies and the like. The title is under development.

2. A blog strictly about geopolitics, the economy, business and the like. The title is under development.

The content of this blog (Deliberate Industries) will remain as mixed as ever, but the two new blogs promise to be very focused.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Let's Talk About Oil

These keys I use to type this post are a petroleum product. The fabrics we wear, the containers for our food, our furniture, protective gear, contact lenses, and so on.

Bush is right- Some of the nations we rely on for oil have unstable governments or agendas that are hostile to the United States," Bush said. "These countries know we need their oil, and that reduces our influence, our ability to keep the peace in some areas."

We want to bomb Iran, and yet we do business with them!? Anybody? This further proves that the most powerful corporate entities are becoming more and more nation-like, (including their own military forces).

We need to drive less. I realize that automobiles only account for a small percentage of the petroleum we use, but it is an area where we are so dependent that any interruption without the proper preparation will send the nation into a state of panic. Another thing is that the gradual increase in gas prices is something we notice, but because it is so gradual and so consistent, we don't fully realize the drain it is on our budget. Even if we aren't that affected by it, it is still not right that someone else is getting rich off of stealing small amounts of money from large amounts of innocent people.

Coming Up Next...

1. My Testimony - This is what Christians call the story of how they have come to believe that Christ was God in the flesh and how He has changed their life since that revalation. I've always had a hard time putting mine into words and have gone through multiple drafts, so I am going to publish it here for you to comment on. Let me just say this, Tori Spelling was heavily influencial in me coming to know Christ. (Readers of this site might come to realize that I'm a Christian and that I love talking about it. They might also notice that my language is devoid of churchy jargon and Christian buzzwords. If it EVER starts to get that way, please slap me.)

2. My Trip - On May 12th I will be going to the jungle. I can't tell you where exactly for some security reasons, but I'd like to detail here, the purpose of the trip for you. When I return I will talk specifically about where I went and why, and I will publish photos.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

The Wedding of His Sister, In Third Person

The writer cannot get enough of his family. The more time he spends with them the more he loves them, and the more he doesn't want to see them go again. On Saturday his sister was wed. He likes the groom and is happy to see his sister happy, and thankful to see that she married a man who loves Christ. This weekend was the first time in six years that he had seen many of his cousins. Cousins that he was close to and has been praying for without any indication of what was happening on the other side. His family is wonderful, 3 aunts and uncles on his Dad's side, 7 cousins, 2 aunts and uncles on his Mom's side, 7 cousins, 2 cousins in law so far, with 3 second cousins as well. He is close with all of them and loves every single one very much. So it is easy to see, why after 6 years of wondering, why a weekend of getting to know them again was so important to him. To see that his prayers had been answered, or more accurately, to see that God had allowed him to be part of His plan, which had been for their good; it was one of the most affirming things he could experience in his faith. And to see them all come together to watch the family continue to grow was beautiful and simple and true. He didn't expect to cry at all, but when he saw his sister escorted on the arm of his proud and nervous father, the tears were automatic. He wishes that he would have represented himself better, and that he would have more intentionally and with more energy sought to get to know his family again, but he is grateful to have had them for even such a short time. And yet after all this goodness, he wonders what is next, and whether it will be good, or enjoyable at all. He knows without doubt that family is good.

That Time In Our Lives

First there is that time when you are leaving home, and all of your friends are changing. Then there's that time when you're graduating and all of your friends are moving, then getting married then having kids, then dying. It's the natural cycle of things. I guess I'm at the wedding stage. Is there ever a time in your adult life when you are not weirded out completely by the stage you're in?

Friday, April 21, 2006

The Awkward and Uncomfortable Joy of Connecting

Friendship is a vulnerable thing. It's a give and take, and it's a humbling experience to connect with someone. I don't know why that is, that you can connect with some people on a deeper level, while with others it's not that easy. My only guess is that it takes two, and you both have to agree to be vulnerable. I feel humbled to have the friends that I have been blessed to have.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Anton's Dream Jobs

1.Travel Documentarian (HD Video)
2.Nature/Anthropological Documentarian (like Jacques Cousteau)
3.Writer (3rd to 6th grade adventure stories)
4.Screen Writer (Feature Film)
5.Travel Writer (like Bruce Chatwin)
6.Tour Guide (of any sort)

Here is someone doing something I'd like to be doing. Her website is designed poorly, but the content is really good. Her name is Elena Filatova. In one of her picture-stories, she rides a motorcyle through the ghosttowns created after the Chernobyl disaster. The "next" botton is at the bottom left of each page.

The Wild Corridor

Stevey, Israel, and Albert all huddled together in the small indention of dirt and rock that was their only shelter from the rain. Though he was too proud to admit it, Albert was scared, and Stevey's insistence that they go back home was starting to sound like a better and better idea. It had only been about 10 hours since they had left home but already as night was setting in and the temperature was dropping and the rain began to pour the boys began to dream about how nice the fifth grade might be.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

A Lot of Places I Wanna Be

In the next 2 years, (not necessarily in this order):
1. Machu Picchu
2. Patagonia
3. Chicago
4. Prague
5. Barcelona

In the next 4 years:
6. New Zealand
7. Galapagos
8. Fiji
9. Cyprus, Eastern Europe, Finland - via backpack.

That Old Pickle Jar

Seventeen years ago I started putting money away each week in an old pickle jar. Each week I'd refuse a few small purchases, an ice cream cone on Tuesday, a new paint brush on Thursday; and each time I'd be tempted to buy some small trinket, if I could refuse, I'd take the money it would have cost and I'd put it in my left pocket with my keys. Some days I'd come home at night and reach in my pocket and there'd be two whole dollars saved. Within a few months the pickle jar was starting to get mighty full of coins and even a few dollar bills and I started dreamin' about just what I'd spend all that money on. Maybe one of those new powered lawn mowers or a porch swing. One day in town I saw a poster on a telephone pole sayin' that there were some puppies for sale for five dollars a piece. I went straight home and emptied out that old pickle jar and put together the five dollars, went and bought a pup and named him Buster. After that I went home and painted the jar black so I couldn't see inside. Each time the jar would get heavy, I'd screw the lid on tight and bury it out in the barn. It was fun savin' here and there, and seein' just what I could live without, and pretty soon it became real easy to just put that money in my left pocket instead of buy something I really didn't need. I'm real sorry that I won't be able to dig up those old pickle jars with you, but I'd be an old man now and not much help anyway. I'm not sure how many jars I ended up puttin' in there but I'm sure there's a bunch. I love you son. I'll see you real soon.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Golden Perfection of God

do you like,
the Fibonacci?
Golden perfecion of nature.

What is the Fibonacci you ask?

P.S. This is a response to this.

Haiku Nation

My morning green tea,
Again we start our affair,
Why are you so good?

Sunday, April 16, 2006

He Is Risen!

Today is the day that God proved that he is the God of love, that even after we murdered his son, He kept His promise and rose again. Without the resurrection we would have nothing. Praise God!

Also, today marks the end of lent. I haven't had any caffeine in 40 days, (except for that cup of white peach tea I drank that one night before going to bed, which kept me up half the night). And I just had my first half cup of French-press coffee 8) Happy Easter!

Friday, April 14, 2006


"The U.N. Security Council has given Iran until April 28 to cease enrichment. But Iran has rejected the demand." -

This means war by the way. "Israel will be annihilated," according to Iran's president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Wit's End

Do you know what this is? I personally only have a vague conception of what is going on in this picture. The Tiananmen Square protests, 1989, this is a picture of the struggle whithin each of our hearts. This event was so powerful when it happened and yet now, less than two decades later it's only a fleeting reccolection. The history of protest should be taught in American schools during every history lesson.

I don't mean to be preachy. But I highly reccomend that you click on the above link if you aren't familiar with these events.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Deep Friendship

Best Friends:

88 - Dougy
90 - Drew
92 - Matt S.
94 - John
96 - Brett
96 - Tim
97 - Jeff
98 - Matt
02 - Ben

What does it take? Out of the people on this list, there are only two that I really keep in touch with, that I have what I would call a deep friendship with (and by the way there are about 20 others that I left off, so if you feel that you should be included in the list, you probably should be). So what does it take? At what point are you truly friends? I meet new people every day, amazing new people that I want to know and spend time with, and yet usually it just doesn't work out that way. Even when you think you know someone, a little while down the road the two of you are strangers again. Maybe you'll meet at a funeral after a five year absence and say, "gee, it sure is good to see you...I wish it weren't under these circumstances, but...golly, you look good...what have you been doing for the last five years? Who are you now!?" And with girls. There are so many amazing women in the world. And as a single guy you meet them and you connect, and maybe you don't see yourself dating them, but you love their company. But what is the point? You know that one day soon they'll be dating somebody, and then your friendship won't be allowed, it would be awkward, they don't have any use for it now anyway. So what does it take? How do you truly become friends with somebody? Do we only have a certain allotted number of close friend slots based on individual personality type and circumstance? Once we fill that up we can have no more truly close friends?

I think the answer is just out of our hands in some cases. Remembering names and details of the people you want to be close to is important. And making a good, strong impression can't hurt. But it all just makes me wonder. It makes me look at the big picture of life, and just what the relationships we have here mean. I mean...what do they mean? I'll tell you this much, my friends have never before felt so important to me.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Mr. Moon and I, Aligned

I was just sitting here, when what I thought was a reflection in the window of a light outside caught my eye. The vertical hanging blinds were closed and the only part of the window that was visible to me was an inch wide sliver on the far left side. I thought that the reflection might actually be the moon but even in that short instant I realized the improbability of this. I pushed the blinds to the right and BAM! There was the man in the moon, smiling down on me from a full face. For some reason this sight affected me. Out of all the places in the sky the moon could have been in that moment and out of all the places in the world I could have been, there we were, a table, some blinds a window and a few hundred thousand miles between us, and yet there we were staring at each other face to face. Now, moments later, I look at that spot and the moon is gone. I'm spinning one way, it's spinning another, barreling at thousands of miles per hour in opposite directions. It was a cool moment, it may or may not make any sense to you as you read this, why it was so affecting to me, but it was humbling.

Pray For This Man to Be Destroyed

The LRA (Lords Resistance Army) is abducting, raping, and murdering thousands of children in Northern Uganda. The UN is not taking action on this issue, neither is the United States. Pray that Joseph Kony, the leader of this cult will be wiped off the face of the earth.

Here are some resources so that you can get caught up:

Joseph Kony
Child Rebels
Invisible Children

On August 29th, thousands of American youth with walk out of their homes and sleep in the streets of American cities. This is to mimic what tens of thousands of Ugandan children do every night, locking arms and huddling together in groups of thousands in small rooms, to avoid being abducted by the LRA.

Take Action.

Why not right? Silly Dooce...

A 22 year old guy really probably shouldn't enjoy this website as much as I do, but I just think that this is too good not to share:

"I didn’t take a picture because I knew that someone would send me an email to tell me that there is lead or some other deadly substance in markers and how could I claim to love my child while displaying such flagrant disregard for her safety. How? It’s easy, you just pop the top off the marker and start coloring her forehead."

Let me just say that I struggle each day with either linking to a Dooce post or just stealing one off

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

A Bit Over-Dramatic

Allow me to explain:

Blogging is fantastic. It gives the man on the street (or the woman) the ability to engage in open public discourse and it is accesible to anyone. A lot of blogs are really terrible (this one not excluded) but nonetheless they allow anyone the ability to gain a general consesus without media bias, of the opinions of the people around them. Many of whom they would never interact with otherwise.

Favorite blog topics include the following:

Movies, Music, Politics, Religion, People talking about themselves

As I was leaving work yesterday (Myself), I was about to put in the Youthgroup CD (Music), when I saw that there was already a CD with Chris Tomlin's version of O Worship the King (Religion) in my CD player. I was feeling down so I listened to the song twice on the way home. I cheered me up. I had been thinking about a recent audio clip I had heard of President Bush saying that he was ready to take miltary action against Iran (Politics), when I realized that I hadn't written much about politics on my blog and that it was high time to take a crack at it. So, that last post wasn't just my passion and revolutionary outcry, it was more of an experiment. I still think it is going to happen though. When I came home after Yoga (Myself again), my roomate was watching a documentary film about the origins of Bluegrass music (Movies). -Booya.

Monday, April 10, 2006

In Other News

The U.S. will soon take military action against Iran. The U.S. will soon fire missiles and drop bombs on Iran. Did I say that clearly enough? I really hope I'm wrong about this, but I don't think I am.

Iran, shut up, PLEASE! I'm saying this for your own sake and for the sake of your people. I'm not saying you won't put up a good fight, but it is not worth the bloodshed. Stop saying that you are going to destroy Israel. I don't want this war to happen, and I don't want your people to die. Please just calm down.

You better believe this is true. I don't give a crap what your politics are, this is bad news.

Fancy that, Aljazeera says differently: Iran hints at nuclear milestone. Look at how smiley Ahmadinejad is. Hard to believe he's a psychopath.

Winter In My Mind

My close friends might say that it’s just a result of circumstance, but after so many years of it’s unpredictable flow I know that it’s out of my control. When I was younger, it was more of an emotional experience, but I’ve since become more introspective and more expecting of each step in this process. Outside factors make it worse, or better, that I can’t deny. But more things make it worse than better. Once I’m here though I can’t imagine being out, and further, the energy that would take is nowhere I can reach. I know that to some degree it’s a result of feeling inactive, but I have to think that even if I were closer to the top I would still feel inadequate when this season arrives. This time I’m going to consciously enjoy it, as impossible as that sounds. I’m going to look upon it in a different frame and just relax. The other side of this swing is good enough to wait for. Or, maybe I’m just being falsely positive.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Hello World, I'm On the Internet!

So many good conversations were embarked upon this evening. Yet, were any new friendships forged? Jamie and I had an interesting talk on the way home about how many good friends one could actually have, among other things. I would also like to say "hi" to Kyle since I've never mentioned him in the blog. Let me just say this: "Kyle knows cool." Kyle is one of those people that is so connected into the cool scene, what the uncool would call the indie scene, that there is no use keeping track yourself, because you're not going to be as hip as Kyle, so you might as well just not try to follow it and just ask Kyle what's cool that week. That's what I do, and it works.

Also, I'd just like to take this moment, because it's the weekend, and I feel like rapping, to point out this ever underappreciated post: I bring you The Weekend .

Did I really just reference myself?

Friday, April 07, 2006

Never Hesitate

The world of writing is fueled by inspiration, sometimes deliberate, but more importantly, through spontaneity and mad scientist like bursts of what seem to be fleeting moments of clarity. Sometimes we are a bit delusional, or maybe we just flat out lie to ourselves. This is what happens when a good idea goes bad.

Alas, there will probably be no Bigot Cafe feature film in the near future. I swear though, the initial inspiration for this story...shear brilliance. I let it simmer too long. Rumination ruins inspiration.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Why is this such torture?

If this doesn't make your mouth water, you need to check your pulse. This is the next step as far as my career goes. However, NAB, the National Association of Broadcasters convention is April 22nd through the 27th in Las Vegas, and you know they are going to unleash something new and even more incredible. I can only imagine what is next. Just look at it for a few minutes and your need for it will become too immense to bear.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Bigot Cafe

"Please leave my restaurant guy," said the red-headed owner. Take your kids to the drive through at Burger King. Your kind isn't allowed in this establishment." "Sir, can we just have a table in the back near the kitchen? It's my kid's birthday and he's been asking me to take him here all week, it would make his day," said the stocky curly-haired man. The restaurant owner was starting to get mad. "I told you to leave. I won't tell you again. Leave or Sonny will be escorting you out, and he really doesn't like you stocky curly-haired brunettes." A dark skinned man who was checking out had been listening to the dispute and couldn't resist the urge to say something. "You know," he said to the stocky, curly haired man, when Nigerian people came here during the draught in the late 18th century they were looked down upon too. I think it's good that you're standing up for yourself." "Sir," said the owner, "thank you for coming tonight, but please let me handle this. I would have no problem giving these folks some food to go, but this is a nice establishment with a good reputation, if word gets out that we're serving stocky curly-haired brunettes, business is going to take a dive." Just then, a tall red-headed man with tattoos on his forearms came out of the kitchen and grabbed the stocky curly-haired man by the arm twisting it behind his back. "Yeah, get that grease head out of here!" yelled a dark skinned man sitting at a table with his tall thin dark skinned wife. The stocky curly-haired brunette man's children began to cry and plead with the man to not hurt their daddy. The tall red-headed man slammed him into the front door and threw him onto the side walk. The stocky curly haired man picked himself up and put his arms around his children ushering them quickly away from the restaurant. "Everyone, can have one free drink on the house," said the owner. "I'm very sorry for that unruly scene." The restaurant patrons returned to their steaks and mindless conversation. Waiters brought out wine lists.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Forty-Four Ounce Soda Please

Do you remember when a movie ticket cost three dollars and twenty five cents. A ticket, a forty ounce soda, and box of Sour Patch Kids (that was always way bigger than the amount of candy it held) might cost you eight bucks. Do you remember the joy of going to see an afternoon movie that was PG and uplifting? Of stepping out of the theater into the daylight, smelling of popcorn, and with your feet feeling slightly heavier than usual as they stuck to the ground with each step. Oh! Those were the days.

I've kept every ticket stub from every movie that I've seen since the fourth grade. I keep them in a blue Pog case locked inside my safe. They are one of my prized possessions. Don't even think about trying to steal my movie ticket stub collection. There is only one case in which the use of guns is justifiable and that is when someone is trying to steel your collection of movie ticket stubs.

Going to the movies can facilitate a complete visceral and intellectual experience unlike almost anything. The shared experience, the taste of the concessions and the compulsion to shovel a year's worth of glucose in the flashing dark and light, the sound of the projector, the flicker of twenty-four frames a second, the rumble of THX, and the stories that we are invited inside, are all elements of cinematic euphoria. Now, there can be uncomfortable movie watching experiences as well, but let's not dwell on those here. Remember now the Jurassic Parks, the Little Rascals, the Mighty Ducks, the Hooks, the Harriet the Spy's, the Home Alones, the Castaways, the Forest Gumps, the Lion Kings, the Aladdins, and the Little Mermaids.

p.s. This post was originally going to be about getting more pleasure out of life the way we did when we were children and we weren't health conscious.

Monday, April 03, 2006

It's In My Blood

I can't explain why I feel such a connection to Norway. Is it because I have blonde hair and can't grow a beard? My family may have been here for three generations, and we love the U.S.A., but we all feel a connection to our roots. When I was there almost two years ago, I felt like I was home.

I bet the Maori feel this way. It saddens me that their culture has been diminished, but maybe we shouldn't idealize what once was and just savor what we have now. What is bringing this all on is that I'm watching the movie "Whale Rider," which is an independent film that was produced in 2002. How on earth I never saw this film I don't know. New Zealand is gorgeous, the Maori culture is beautiful and the lead actress, then 12, Keisha Castle-Hughes, is incredible. I haven't quite finished it and I'm watching it on my Ipod through 3 layers of plastic, but from what I've seen it is a great, and inspiring film. I can't wait to go to New Zealand and see this place with my own eyes. This film is reminding me why I ever wanted to make films in the first place.

Illumination Vacation

I just have to say all of this before I forget, and before I lose my drive again. This weekend was amazing. I got to see my family, I went to a ranch and took a long canoe trip through limestone canyons, I got to spend time with friends that I don't get to spend nearly enough time with, I went to see Ira Glass at the Majestic theatre with friends, we got to talk one on one with him and he was a great guy, Jamie and I watched Everything is Illuminated, which I thought was incredible, and I can feel the sun that I got this weekend in my bones and in my face.

Another thing that I have to get off my chest is that I can't stop saying I. I can't stop thinking about I. I want to be famous. I want people to know me and be interested in me and not just know me but to think I'm cool in the classic sense of the word. So, I'm apologizing, because you don't want to hear about me and I know it. I'm trying to change this but sometimes I just need a couple of paces to get me started, to get out of my thoughts. Gosh, this weekend was good. I'm finally starting to get that feeling that I'm not bored with life, that there are things left out there to get excited about. That's a horrible thing to say, to be bored with life, because it's some kind of insult to the one who made it, and it's not true. I'm just bored with myself and with my lack of discipline and lack of will power. So anyway, if you take anything away from this let it just be this: Hang out with some friends during the day, have some dinner, sit down with a glass of wine and watch Everything is Illuminated and laugh at the funny parts. And don't bother with the deleted scenes.