Wednesday, August 29, 2007

What Is Going On?

Never end a sentence with a preposition, that is, unless the sentence contains a direct object, or if the phrase is one common and accepted in the parlance of our time. Ok, I made that up, I don't know if that's true at all.

What the f was going on with me last night. That is the first time in my life that I have ever woken up in the middle of the night having some sort of anxiety attack, after having fallen asleep soundly, and then stayed up until morning.

My mind is racing right now and I can't really shut it off. I'm uncontrollably stressed out. I'm 24, everything I own is in boxes, I'm sleeping in my little sister's old room in my parents house, with Seventeen magazine centerfolds and old notes from school pinned to the walls, and I have no job prospects lined up from here to eternity. It just amazes me that I can go from being on the top of the world a month ago, to being in what feels like the depths of despair so shortly after.

The good news is my mom cooked a mean salmon fillet tonight with some amazing homemade pesto and it was incredible!

Not Good, Quite A Mess

Guess what time I woke up today?

2:30am.

Guess what time I woke up yesterday?

10:30am.

This is quite a sign of the mental state that I am in right now. I went to bed last night just before midnight, only to wake up two and a half hours later, my legs kicking, my heart beating rapidly, my joints popping, breathing in deep exhales. I'm stressed out, and here is why:

After coming home from one of the greatest adventures I could ever have hoped to be a part of, and after traveling through eight countries and three continents, filming two documentaries, and getting paid all along the way, I am now back in Texas, living with my parents, jobless, trying to write a screenplay, and trying to put my business back together. All of this is only multiplied by the stress and anxiety that I have put upon myself by my own lack of organization, and then on top of that, by the two cups of strong coffee I had at 5pm yesterday, the large meal, one beer, one red wine, half shot of Nyquil, and 1mg of Melatonin. So don't let me try and tell you that I have no control over my own anxiety, in fact, don't let anyone tell you that. The good news is that I'm feeling better now.

How did I get to feeling better?

I got out of bed and prayed, I cracked open the Bible and read out of Galatians, and then I watched some relaxing comedy films. Now it's nearly 5am, I'm awake and I feel great. I guess the sun is going to rise soon. Should I work more on my screenplay or go to the gym? All I know is that I'm alive and there's a lot in this world to enjoy. Good Morning!

Flight of the Conchords, A Texas Odyssey





Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Nothing To Do With Anything Going On In My Life

Richard Dawkins, the noteworthy atheist and Oxford professor, author of the book The God Delusion, has a bone to pick with Christianity, further, he wants to point out that fundamentalist Christians who assert that evolution is a false science, are liars.

I'm a Christian, I believe in the fundamentals of the Bible, and well, those fundamentalist Christians, sometimes they lie just to make their case more appealing (an idea in philosophy called “The Noble Lie”). I stumbled across this Youtube video, an exposé of a shorter version of the video that was posted by some of my fellow believers in Christ, which purportedly showed Dawkins being stumped on a certain question (the earlier video cuts out before he answers). While in his response he doesn't directly answer the question, he does point out something very important; monkeys and humans are modernly adapted species, as opposed to the idea that modern humans are an adaptation of modern monkeys. Some atheists of course believe the latter, just as some fundamentalist Christians believe that this is what believers in evolution think is the case. Both are equally wrong.

This has nothing to do with anything I'm thinking about at the moment, but it's an interesting video:

Friday, August 24, 2007

Sigur Ros Film - Heima - Or, "At Home"

You gotta see this in high resolution, it will take a minute or so to download, but it's worth the wait. Here is the link to watch the film's trailer in HD.
If you'd rather see it on Youtube, here it is below.

Monday, August 20, 2007

While Traveling

In Michigan we ate fish and hung out at skate parks with Curtis's family. In Wisconsin, we ate at the country club and played golf. In Minnesota we wake-boarded on the lake, in the middle of the city. In North Dakota we drank pints at a posh bar. In Iowa we ate pizza in a hundred year old library with the librarian and the treasurer in a tiny town called Hamburg. In India we toured ancient caves, played with orphans, and went to three lepor colonies. In Africa we slept in tents and went on safari. In Cyprus I attended a Greek wedding and hung out with old friends. In the Czech Republic I ate dumplings and hung out with Canadians. In Hungary I went to a club and took a public bath. In Austria I rented a bike and rode up to a view of Vienna. In Slovakia I took a long walk around the city and bought cheap train tickets all over eastern Europe. In Ireland we hung out with kids in the park and toured Dublin. In England we shot a documentary and lived in a flat. For weeks before I left the U.S. to go on this trip I wondered what it would be like and how it was possible that I was really getting to experience it all.

Being back in the U.S., with all of my things in boxes, and after having lived out of the same backpack for two and a half months, I'm fighting feeling anxious about what comes next. I really don't feel at home anywhere anymore. For now I will be living out of my parents house and planning my next move. I'm excited for what God has in store for me, and I trust that his plans are good. So, I'm writing out a list tonight inside my little black notebook, of all the things that I'm going to do in the meantime, while I don't really have anything pressing on me. What an exciting time to be so free. Buying a dog, a house and starting a new business all sound like great things to do, but for now I'm going to write some things that I've always wanted to write, and continue living out of my backpack. For now I've been made a traveling writer, with great friends and family to back me up. And really, that's exactly what I've always wanted most. So thank you for backing me up, I like you.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Driving For 20 Hours, Back To Texas

I'm coming home tomorrow. Finally, after nearly 3 months of traveling, sleeping in new cities, countries, continents, beds, couches, tents and environments, I'm finally coming back to Texas. Pray that we have safe travels.

I miss everything and everyone, I'm happily anxious to get back to work. I have big plans and high hopes. I've had such a good summer. I just can't believe this is my life. God has blessed me and I am undeserving, but I'm grateful. I can't wait to get started.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Heading North, The Land That I Love

I know that I just got home, and there are so many people that I haven't seen in months, including my sister Laura, but I've gotta drive up North to see my grandparents and my family who live in North Dakota, Minnesota and Wisconsin. Curtis is coming with me, and we are also going to go and surprise his family in Michigan. I should be back in Texas on the 17th.

While in India and Africa I thought up 3 new business ideas that I would like to lay the groundwork for in the next year. I need $250,000 of start-up money, and while the ideas are close to my heart and I don't really desire to get rich off of them, they are probably going to make a lot of money, so I will be looking for people to help me run them as well. I'm also planning on buying a historic house in Fort Worth to live in and build my office inside. I'm hoping to find a spacious old home with two floors and a front porch circling the house. I'll live on the top floor and make the entire bottom floor a client-friendly environment. I'm sure I'll be writing more about all of this as it progresses.

I'm sorry that I haven't been writing much, but being in the third world for the last month, I haven't had much access to the internet. I'm back now and I have big plans.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Coming Home

I'll leave India for the U.S. in 2 days. I can't wait to get back. I sort of miss my car too. I'll have 2 days at my parents house to chill out with them, and then I'll get in my car and drive up to North Dakota and then through Minnesota, Wisconsin and Michigan. Then it's back to Texas. After that, I'll be living at my parents house again, which I'm sincerely excited about.

I have a loose plan for the next year. Humbly I say that it is very ambitious. I can't really put the thoughs together to talk about the 2 month 8 country, 3 continent journey that I just went on, so I'll put up some pictures instead.