God gave me a gift. That thing being extraordinary compassion.
For my entire life I've been a part of the cool crowd. Even when the cool kids became drug addicts and teen pregnancies, I was always just accepted once again by the new evolution of the popular crowd. And so on and so forth, from elementary school to junior high to high school. In college I was a member of the most raucous and rowdy fraternity on campus. I don't know how well you know me, but I don't party. How on earth did I wind up a part of the most hard partying group of people I'd ever met? The answer lies in a part of my personality that is deeply ingrained in who I am, possibly on a chemical level. People like me because I give them the benefit of the doubt. I don't jump to conclusions about who they are based on surface level observations. But I'm also not free from judgementalism. Due to my insecurities, I've always been afraid that I'd be outed as a fake. Because even though I've always ended up with people who are "cool," I've never actually felt cool. So as soon as I felt I couldn't keep up, I'd start my judging. Because I knew that arrogant people would just end up destroying themselves and I was going to be the first one to point and say "I told you so." But all of this has changed. I will no longer judge the arrogant. And here is why:
Everybody's hurting about something.
So I'm through denying my God given gift of compassion. While I was bitter before, about the state of the world, about the selfishness of my yuppy peers, now I'm going to take this unique position I've been put in and I'm going to put my gift to use by loving these people. I don't care about their cars, jobs, jewelry, cocaine addictions, clothing or sexual habits. I'm going to love them anyway. I'm going to do this because I'm a Christian. A Christian who is scared to death of dance floors, drinks a little too much, and hates get to know you games. And this way, these people who have so little exposure to the world I've known for the last 6 years inside the Christian bubble, will get to know a Christian who loves them despite their arrogance. This is going to be hard for me, but rewarding when I look back upon my life.
I hope this post makes sense. It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Expect more posts about my feelings soon. I hope you don't feel like I've been trying to sell you things lately. As my apology, I'd like to open myself emotionally a bit, to show you that there is an imperfect human writing this blog, not just a guy who is trying to sell himself.
Thank you very much.
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5 comments:
good post, yo.
great post.
yes it makes perfect sense, and i think this is a fabulous goal. i try to live my life the same way.
and i think it's also important to remember that we all have an element of arrogance in us, as well. so when we hate others for their arrogance... we are, in fact, acting arrogantly ourselves.
:) you're great anton. and i think you're cool. i feel like you make me cooler? is that weird?
Good thoughts brother. That is the way we all need to live. :)
Anton,
Great Post.
If you ever need an additional outlet for your compassion, come help us (just south of downtown) on Thursday nights. We feed about 200 homeless people at a sit-down, full service meal.
Some of us drink too much.
http://thewhitedsepulchre.blogspot.com/2008/03/exploring-christian-faith-broadway.html
I don't mean to proselytize. Found your site by a fluke, and you kinda remind me of....us.
Hang in there.
Great site !
this is something i've been thinking about lately too. i went to colorado for spring break and got to know a group of 13 other people really well in a very short time and realized how many judgments or assumptions i have for people and how wrong they are. it's so easy to see people one dimensionally but it's so beautiful when you realize how many sides there are to every person.
one of the things we talked about is how you can't compare one person's pain to another's in terms of its validity. like if you're really sad about something that happened in your life, but it's not as bad as say, a child soldier's, it's still ok for you to be sad.
anyway...interesting that many people are sharing these thoughts lately. glad to know you're challenging yourself. i hope i can do the same.
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