Monday, March 31, 2008

Tomorrow Is Another

Just FYI, in case you were wondering, it's not that I'm feeling terrible and thus not blogging or anything like that, I guess I've just been sort of busy the last few days. Here's what's going on this week:

Tuesday, work 6am-7pm, see IOUSA at AFI Dallas.
Wednesday, finish up some edits, drive out to N. Dallas to drop off some stuff to a client, see an AFI movie or two.
Thursday, Emoss comes into town for AFI, working in Fort Worth during the day (hopefully), seeing a bunch of AFI films in Dallas in the evening.
Friday, work in Fort Worth during the day, see a bunch of AFI films in the evening.
Saturday, run the Flapjack 5 mile run at White Rock lake in Dallas, see a bunch of AFI films.
Sunday, observe the Sabbath or something like it, relax.

Should be a better week for blogging, starting Wednesday.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Silently Suffering

Warning: If you have no interest in reading my most personal, deepest, darkest secrets, please don't read any further. You've been warned.

When did it become impolite and improper to talk about one's feelings? When did it become right to bottle up one's emotions, sitting, suffering silently and alone? And how was selfishness, the cause of so many of humanity's problems, declared a virtue?

I've been suffering for a while now. I can't keep it bottled up inside because I have friends that care about me and it would be selfish to withdraw from them, to be aloof, and not share my heart with the people who have promised to love me no matter what. So as I've been suffering, I've been laying my burdens down, both on God and on friends. Not to confess my sins to my friends but to ask for their guidance and their prayer.

Sometimes I get depressed. Seasonally yes, but always as a matter of circumstance as well. First I'm in the mind-set, then I'm set off, into my downward spiral of despair. And through this time of darkness I've been drawn closer to God than ever before, albeit painfully. I'm grateful that I have hope in an eternity with God, but I'm aware that I'd not probably be in despair if I didn't have hope, at least not in this moment, because if I didn't have God, if I didn't have moral guidelines, I wouldn't have compassion and I wouldn't be empathetic to the pain and suffering of the world. But I do, I have a conscience, I have compassion and I have been suffering. I feel like I've lost all the innocence I once had and it has been one of the darkest and most painful experiences of my life.

I almost feel guilty. My life has been so easy, my burden has been light. I was raised in a good family, with parents who love me. Surrounded by affluence and privilege, health and prosperity. And I'm grateful for it all, I feel blessed but I also feel ashamed. Because of my comfort I failed to see the world as it truly is, in it's broken state. But that's all changed, the curtains have been pulled down and there is no hiding from the truth of this fallen world. Things are darker and more polluted than I ever imagined. And I'm sorry that I've been so blind. I'm sorry that I've not been taking action to fight the corruption and selfishness that pervade so much of human thought and action.

My apology isn't worth anything if it's not followed by a change in the way I live my life, so I'm changing my life, both to prove to the world that I'm different and also to prove to myself that I'm not the same as everything I stand against.

This has been a really difficult time for me and it's not over yet, perhaps it never will be over, perhaps this is only the beginning. But it's the end of my carelessness. I'm ready to start a new chapter in my life as a follower of Christ and I'm ready to learn how to love and forgive. And I'm ready to stop talking about it and start taking action. If you pray, please continue to pray for me. It's been a really rough lately.

**If you've been suffering, if you've got a secret that's eating away at you, please, don't bottle it up, please don't keep it to yourself. Seek guidance both from God and from wise people around you. If a doctor tells you that you are terminally ill, you are going to get a second opinion. Get a second opinion, get a third opinion, get a fourth opinion, and then pray like mad. In each of us, there is a Darwinian, selfish desire telling us to be a hedonist, to only care about oneself. Fight it with everything that is in you, and please, ask God continually for guidance.

Oops I Did It Again

Let's face it, I was probably going to shower again this morning, but after my night run last night, I took a shower at midnight and then went to bed with wet hair again. And this is after falling by at least 50% from the time I woke up. My bangs almost reach my mouth right now. I think I need a trim.

DFW Is Number One in Growth

I know it's not internet-cool to link to a CNN story, but check it out, Dallas Fort Worth is the fastest growing area in the country. I have such mixed feelings about this. On one side, my friends and I get to enjoy a thriving economic community because housing prices are somewhat holding their value in comparison to the state of other once booming markets like Phoenix. Then on the other, we've got an influx of people who are further jamming an already crowded and poorly designed transportation infrastructure.

If you're moving to the DFW metroplex, do not move to the outskirts! Say no to Frisco and Far North Fort Worth. If you want to move to the suburbs, at least move somewhere in the center, near DFW airport, just don't move to a future slum, i.e. "Pulte" development, trust me.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Anton's Adventures: The Bone Church - 2 of 3

This video was shot in early July while I was backpacking across Eastern Europe. It is the 2nd part of a 3 part series, that is the 4th part of a 7 part series, documenting the epic travel adventure I took last summer.

More videos to come.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Anton On a Reality Show

I'm shocked that I never posted the trailer for the reality show that I filmed and starred in this summer. In case you didn't know, I spent July and August in Kenya and India filming for a TV show called "Mission Reality." We were working with missionaries and humanitarians, distributing food to slums, caring for orphans, helping out people with leprosy and generally having a blast.

Here is the trailer (look out for my cameo 3/4 in, I'm actually in the show a lot):

Heard While Watching "Once"

Conversation took place during the opening scene, when a street person tries to steal the lead character's guitar case which is full of money he's collected while playing songs on the street in Dublin:

C: Oooo, he touched his hand, gross.

A: Well,

C: I'm homophobic.

A: You're afraid of gay people?

C: What, is that what that means?

A: Yes.

C: Oh, I'm not afraid of gay people at all. I'm afraid of homeless people.

(pause)

A: I think you mean you're "hobo-phobic."

C: Yes.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Thank You Lord Jesus

For lent I gave up booze and read Ezekiel. Now I know that it kind of negates the whole point of fasting to brag about it, but it was a rough one this year (this Lenten season specifically) and this beer was delicious. So delicious that I drank three of them.I thought it was a twist-off, it's obviously been a while.


The perfect pour.

God bless the U.S. of America.

Happy Easter My Friend

I hope you are getting to spend today with the ones you love.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Greetings Before 9am on Saturday

I'm realizing now that the world is so much more complicated than I ever could have imagined. People are more complicated, our lives are more complicated; It all just leaves me wanting freedom from worry and anxiety.

God, the world is hurting.

Where do you turn when you're looking for answers? What Bible stories or passages do you read? Are there other books or forms of meditation that help you straighten your mind and find direction?

Can you help me out please?

Friday, March 21, 2008

Gogol Bordello At The Granada In Dallas

I went to the Gogol Bordello show with Martha and she writes about the show here. It was really fun and mind opening. I had a great time.

For a very informative article about the band's lead singer, Eugene Hütz, check out Kyle's post at The Foggiest. It's ripe with info.
Thanks to my friend Michelle Peters for the above Bad-A photo.

The Lesson I've Learned

I really don't have anything to say tonight. I'm praying that God will give me faith in Him. Today is good Friday, the day we celebrate God's spirit in man, as He was hung up and killed in a painful and torturous way, so that we wouldn't have to suffer the fate we deserve. Read the book of Matthew if you never have. I need to read it again.

Not a Post About Being Tired

My accountant, who lives in the Dallas enclave of Highland park has been gracious enough to let me stay in her guest bedroom for the past two nights. While I've only managed to get four and a half hours of sleep each night, not having to make the 45 minute drive to and from Bedford each day has been a major relief. This is day four of the shoot, 8.5 episodes out of 25 have been filmed. We shoot for twelve hours tomorrow, which is Saturday, and then there will be a much needed, week long break.

Due to various things going on in my life, I've been quite a bit more stressed than usual for the last few weeks and I'm beginning to feel it everywhere. It's generally bad for one to be constantly stressed, so I'm taking major steps to relieve my mind of it's preoccupations.

In June I'm going on a month long journey that I am really looking forward to embarking upon. My tentative plan is Austin's wedding on June 8th, then traveling to Seattle, taking a ferry to Fairbanks, Alaska, hitchhiking to the arctic circle, meeting Chris at Tongas National Forest, Salmon fishing in the wilderness, then journeying to my cousin's wedding in Glacier National park in Montana on June 28th, and then making the trek across North Dakota, Minnesota and Wisconsin to visit my extended family. It won't be a vacation because I'll be video blogging throughout the trip, but it is at least something to look forward to, and I need that.

I'm a little blue today.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Live From the Apple Store

Today was another good day. After waking up after only the first alarm, I knew it was going to be a swell morning. On the way to Dallas, at 5:30am, while it was still pitch black out, I jammed to Derek Webb songs, singing so forcefully that I feared passing out while driving on the highway. The location was only available until 2:00pm, so today was a half day. I headed to the production company's office after the shoot and slept on the couch in my friend Brent's office. He's never there, so I was able to shut the door and turn the lights out. Of course that didn't stop people from peering through the window, knocking, coming in while I was obviously napping and then carrying on conversations with me, so I only got an actual 15 minute cat nap. But that was enough. Even though I had to waste the whole afternoon, doing nothing, at least I get to go to the Gogol Bordello show at Granada tonight and get sonically assaulted by Gypsy punk music. I'm going to be really tired tomorrow, but something tells me that the show is going to be worth it.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

4:30am Again Tomorrow

Today went better than expected. I actually woke up at 4:30am. I was so nervous going to bed, because I knew that I'd only be getting 5 hours of sleep and the chances were very good that I would sleep through the 6 alarms I set. But 5 of the 6 alarms went off and I got right up from the couch cushions on the floor that I call my bed. Then, before I left, and when I needed to be out the door, I cracked open my Macbook and checked my email, because I'm addicted to the internet.

There were so many people on set and so many eager hands, that I didn't really have to do an overwhelming amount of work. The day was still a solid 12 hours, but not really as exhausting as I thought it would be. Things didn't work out, sleeping at friends' places in Dallas, so I'm back in Bedford for the night, meaning that I'll be sleeping on the floor and waking up at 4:30am again tomorrow. I can't wait for Easter!

Monday, March 17, 2008

Up At 4:30am Tomorrow

Tomorrow we begin filming this cooking show that I'll be shooting. I have to be up at 4:30am tomorrow in order to be on set by 6:15am. This will continue for the next 5 days. I'm really tired and really shouldn't be blogging but I just feel the need to do it. I'm also too tired to make this a link right now, but if you like the British version of the Office and or Ricky Gervais, then head on over to Kyle's blog, The Foggiest and check out the good news.

I really like you. -Anton

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Anton's Adventures: In Prague - Part 1 of 3

This happened in July, when I was traveling across Eastern Europe. As you can see, this is the first of a short, 3 part series. As soon as I launch these, I'll also post a new video from Cyprus, one from Kenya and one from India.

I've got a big plan for a new travel series this summer, to be filmed in Alaska. I'm just looking for a sponsor to help me out with the technical aspects. I have my sights on a company with a great environmental policy. Pray they want to be a part of this.

If you haven't already, please go to my YouTube page (youtube.com/rrrconserve) and subscribe so that you get all the new videos when I post them!

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Shooting Another TV Show Next Week

The good part about working in production is that when things are slow, you might not work for a week or two and you can do whatever you want. The bad part about production, is when you work, you work hard. I'll be working at least twelve hours a day this Monday through Saturday. Call time is 7am and I don't think I'll be wrapping until at least 8pm any of those days. I'm in charge of the five cameras being used to shoot the show as well, so even after we wrap, my job's not over. I need to get there first and leave last - what's new. The plan is to shoot 25 episodes of a cooking show in 9 days. I don't even see how this is possible, so I'm guessing there will be days added onto the production as well. I shoot for a week, have a week off, then work for 1.5 days, then have a week off and then work for 3.5  more days. It's a weird lifestyle, I must admit, but it's what I do.

Another hard thing about working in film and TV production is that there is no steady office to go into everyday. Sure, I have an office in Fort Worth that I love, but for this particular show I will be prepping gear in Deep Ellum and shooting in Uptown Dallas. I'm not looking forward to a 45 minute to hour commute each way on very little sleep. But once again, this is my path.

One cool thing to mention is that I will actually be starring in one of the episodes...more info on that at some point soon. Expect posts to be a little more sparse than usual next week.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Curtis Needs a Ride Up For Youtube Sketchies II

Holy cow! My business partner Austin and his crew, consisting of Flu, Grayson and Steve have an improv troupe called Curtis Needs A Ride. They have been making Youtube videos like crazy lately to practice for their grand ambition of doing an improv across the U.S. roadtrip next year.

Well, dangit if the boys didn't get featured on Youtube for their entry "Treasure Taxi" into the Youtube Sketchies II contest. Watch their video and vote for them here.Great job guys!

Elliot Spitzer Makes Me Sick

Elliot Spitzer, the governor of New York, resigned yesterday in the wake of getting caught laundering money to pay for a prostitute. Does it matter that she was what's referred to as a "high-class" prostitute? No, what matters is that a public official with a wife and three daughters was paying a woman for sex. Elliot Spitzer was caught after making $80,000 in transactions to an escort service called The Emperors’ Club. He risked ruining his own life and also seriously affecting the lives of his wife and three teenage daughters. He is just another male politician to abuse his power and be involved in a sleazy sex affair. Rather than say anything else, I'll leave you with these images.
Elliot Spitzer and his family.
The prostitute. (thx Myspace!) Oh yeah, here's her Myspace.
A hurting wife.
Birds of a feather.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I Showered Before Bed

I've been growing my hair out for 7 monhts. I can't wait to put it in a big, dirty pony-tail, HEY-O!

Something About Myself

God gave me a gift. That thing being extraordinary compassion.

For my entire life I've been a part of the cool crowd. Even when the cool kids became drug addicts and teen pregnancies, I was always just accepted once again by the new evolution of the popular crowd. And so on and so forth, from elementary school to junior high to high school. In college I was a member of the most raucous and rowdy fraternity on campus. I don't know how well you know me, but I don't party. How on earth did I wind up a part of the most hard partying group of people I'd ever met? The answer lies in a part of my personality that is deeply ingrained in who I am, possibly on a chemical level. People like me because I give them the benefit of the doubt. I don't jump to conclusions about who they are based on surface level observations. But I'm also not free from judgementalism. Due to my insecurities, I've always been afraid that I'd be outed as a fake. Because even though I've always ended up with people who are "cool," I've never actually felt cool. So as soon as I felt I couldn't keep up, I'd start my judging. Because I knew that arrogant people would just end up destroying themselves and I was going to be the first one to point and say "I told you so." But all of this has changed. I will no longer judge the arrogant. And here is why:

Everybody's hurting about something.

So I'm through denying my God given gift of compassion. While I was bitter before, about the state of the world, about the selfishness of my yuppy peers, now I'm going to take this unique position I've been put in and I'm going to put my gift to use by loving these people. I don't care about their cars, jobs, jewelry, cocaine addictions, clothing or sexual habits. I'm going to love them anyway. I'm going to do this because I'm a Christian. A Christian who is scared to death of dance floors, drinks a little too much, and hates get to know you games. And this way, these people who have so little exposure to the world I've known for the last 6 years inside the Christian bubble, will get to know a Christian who loves them despite their arrogance. This is going to be hard for me, but rewarding when I look back upon my life.

I hope this post makes sense. It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Expect more posts about my feelings soon. I hope you don't feel like I've been trying to sell you things lately. As my apology, I'd like to open myself emotionally a bit, to show you that there is an imperfect human writing this blog, not just a guy who is trying to sell himself.

Thank you very much.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Heima - Sigur Ros Film - Full Film Now On Youtube

There is also a link to download a clip of the film in HD on Sigur Ros' website.

Oh, P.S. The film is over 90 minutes long. Yes, this Youtube video is over an hour and a half.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Justin And His Red Are Big Hits At SXSW 2008

Today was the first day of the South By Southwest expo, which will be open upstairs at the Austin convention center Sunday March 9th through Tuesday March 11th. Justin's Digital Shakedown booth was a big hit. They made an announcement over the loudspeaker each time Justin was going to give a demonstration of the work-flow of his Red Camera and each time ten to twenty people would crowd around his table, foaming at the mouth to see the Red in action. There were other Red cameras there, but nobody was doing what Justin was doing, actually shooting footage and converting it right there at his booth.

The motion graphics intros for our documentary, The Liberation Commission and our TV pilot Building With History were also playing on a loop on his 30 inch Apple Cinema display. I was pretty proud of him.

Dooce Mother F*****!!!

Yeah, this happened today. That camera that Jon is holding is a 1930's or 40's Argus that we picked up at Style Station on the way down to Austin. I gave it to them as a gift because I just felt weird about showing up as a BIG FAN. They were incredibly nice and gracious and humble. T'was a real honor to meet them. (P.S. In case you don't know who these people are, the lady on the left is Heather B. Armstrong the author of Dooce.com and the guy on the right is Jon Armstrong, Heather's husband, the designer of her site and the author of Blurbomat.com. Dooce.com was the first blog I ever read and inspired me to start writing here.)

South By Southwest is awesome this year by the way.

Friday, March 07, 2008

SXSW 2008

This weekend I will be attending the 2008 South By Southwest Film Festival in Austin, Texas. Here is my itinerary.

•Friday night - Seeing GRO (Green River Ordinance) play on at Chuggin Monkey This is actually happening NEXT Friday, the 14th, whoops - it was still a fun night.
•Saturday morning - Meeting Dooce and Blurbomat at Halcyon Coffee.
•Saturday night - Watching my friends' film Bi the Way, at Alamo Lamar 1.
•Sunday morning - Going to Juan in a Million for breakfast :) - A staple of any Austin trip for me.
•Sunday afternoon - Going to the technology expo to look around and hang out at the Digital Shakedown booth.

Hope to see you there!

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Building With History - Television Screener

Brent Hull is the leading expert in the U.S. in historically accurate millwork and design. About a month ago we shot a pilot in HD for a TV show which Brent will host. Here is our screener pilot:

Building With History Website

P.S. If you know anyone at Discovery, or any other networks that might be interested, please pass this along to them.

Justin's Got A Red

Justin, from Digital Shakedown just received his Red Digital Cinema Camera, (one of only two in the metroplex). What is that you ask? Well, just imagine a very good SLR, a Canon D-40, or a Nikon 300D, take your pick, shooting 10.5 mega pixel images at 30 stills a second. That's what the Red does. It's a revolution and it's in my office (locked up, tight). More to come about this baby soon.**Update** Justin will have a booth at the SXSW expo in Austin this coming Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. So if you are going to South By Southwest, stop by Justin's booth and say hello, and check out his magical Red and amazing Motion Graphical abilities.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Adventures In Public Transportation

Did you hear? The Trinity Railway Express, the train that goes between downtown Fort Worth and Dallas, has free WIFI, on the train. No seriously, the train is in motion, right now.

Does this blow your mind?Think how much more fun it would be, how freeing it would be, if our cities were built on better planned, denser infrastructures. If food, entertainment and home were all within walking distance and if they weren't, they were only a short light-rail ride away, no car necessary.

It would be nice, trust me.

The Earth Will Expire By 2050

Found via Stumble Upon, could this study be true?

Monday, March 03, 2008

Cara, Thank You For 16 Straight Comments

Cara, thank you for commenting on 16 of my posts in a row. I felt very loved tonight when I clicked on the Deliberate Industries tab in my gmail. I wish that when I commented back you would get email notifications the way you do when someone comments on your photos on Facebook (although I know how you feel about Facebook), but sadly blogger doesn't work that way and I fear hurling my responses out into the void of my archives.

We're going to have to sit down sometime soon and go through these posts so that we can discuss everything. There are so many great conversations in there. See, this is the limitation of the web.

Thank you for reading all of that and caring enough to reach out to me through the computer. You're a good friend.

The All Night Experiement

At 9:30am this morning I slumped over on my couch and despite Austin and Flu's racket, I passed out. Last night wasn't a complete failure, but I only accomplished about one-tenth of my list. Nonetheless, I accomplished one thing, one complete thing, and that is better than usual.

Alright, back to work.

P.S. Justin next door, just got a RED CINEMA CAMERA!

Sunday, March 02, 2008

A Voluntay All Nighter

Why on earth would I be at Starbucks at 11pm on a Sunday night, buying a dopio Americano? Because tonight I'm finishing the projects that have been haunting me for the past 6 months. Tonight I'm FINISHING them!

I would write more, but everything I do from this point on, that is not directly related to getting the following done, is shear PROCRASTINATION. No more!

The List:

•TV show press kit
•Edit Prague, Cyprus, Kenya and India video blogs
•Shoot new video blog announcement
•Finish full treatment for TV show
•Edit Exploring The Como Neighborhood video blog

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Noooo - Four Star Coffee Bar Is Closing


Today I ran along the Trinity, for twelve miles. I took a drink from the water fountain at University and the water tasted strange. I only swallowed a little bit and when I looked at the stream coming from the tap I realized it was grey. As I ran I noticed that the water in the river was also strangely low.
After my run I was craving a black bean burger, coffee and fresh water, so I headed over to my favorite coffee shop, Four Star. I've been noticing for months that Four Star was going down hill. Business wasn't slowing down, but things were looking untidy and rough around the edges. So today when I came in at 3pm and they told me that the kitchen was closed, I wasn't surprised. Then came the shocker, the whole place was shutting down at 6pm, FOREVER. They were nice enough to make my black bean burger anyway, but that didn't stop my sorrow. I love Four Star. I ride my bike there for lunch almost every day. I've done some of my best writing there. 
Supposedly Four Star has closed and come back a few times. Hopefully this isn't the end of the 7th street Four Star. They told me to soak-in the place since it was the end. So I stole a chair. Ok, they let me have it. Fort Worth needs more coffee shops and more small businesses in general. It's a sad day for me.