Tuesday, February 01, 2011

One More Writing Exercise

I've been writing stream-of-consciousness posts late at night for what, 4 days now? Like I said in pervious posts, my writing ability has gotten out of shape and I'm trying to jump-start my brain to get into the groove of writing again. My plan this evening (1:35am as I type this), was to just write as much as I possibly could before becoming totally exhausted, but tonight I'm actually feeling quite sleepy, so this post will be relatively short.

In the past, I think I've shied away from writing my true feelings on the subject of God because when one outs oneself as a Christian, one gets put in two categories, either pious or annoying. When you're thrown in with the pious group, people give you way more credit than you deserve and then when you screw up, which is inevitable, suddenly, you've corrupted Jesus, you're a hypocrite and Christianity is a bogus religion, God doesn't exist and the floodgates of sin open, lust abounds and everyones joins together in worshipping golden idols. When you land in the annoying category, you're just another self-righteous Jesus-nerd who has no sense of humor and is constantly Jesus-juking and Debby-downering every conversation. I happen to think I'm pretty cool (has a less cool thing ever been said?). I consume popular culture like it's food and I'm so desensitized that I often say, "nothing shocks me anymore." Yes, I'm a Christian and I believe the words and stories in the Bible, but I also like "R" rated comedies, Louis C.K. and Sara Silverman. There, now that I've proved myself to not be up-tight, I'll continue my previous thought…so, when I started this blog, I used to have to fight to write in a more God-less way. I'd find myself typing out that God was leading me to do something and I'd erase it and write that I "felt" a certain way. Well, these days, I can't help but think that me showing my spirituality as a Christian-believer, can only help my image, especially if I'm going to live up to what I say. And I'm still not going to say much. God has never spoken to me in a clear voice, at least not yet. I feel the comforting presence of God in my life, but just like everyone else, I don't know what big life decisions to make a lot of the time.

I've been taking time to read the Bible lately. I've been reading the Bible pretty consistently since I first opened it in 2002, but just recently, I've been reserving the best time of the day, the time that I'm the most focused and most alert t0 read about a chapter and to highlight a few verses and write them on notecards - side-note, I'm about to go to bed and I'm wearing my retainers and as I type this out, and in my head, I'm talking with a lisp, because that's how my retainers make me talk. I can't stop. Back to the Bible. I think I've always read the Bible with such a healthy dose of skepticism, that I'm constantly searching for something wrong with it. I think I'm going to find a glaring mistake that will then make me read with more caution, eventually making me just put the thing down, discounting it as just another corrupted ancient manuscript. And yet the opposite seems to happen. I'm constantly falling more and more in love with God's word. As I study scripture it continues to unfold, the same book, Romans for example, that I've read probably more than ten times, continues to get deeper, more complex, more comforting and contains deeper wisdom. Even now, I don't know what it is. I know the Bible is special and I hear people say that it's "God's word." Even I said it a few sentences ago, but I'm still not completely sure how to read it. All I know is that I love it. I can't get enough of it.

I said that I was going to pick the guitar back up and I finally did tonight. The tips of my fingers on my left hand sting like crazy. While I'm knocking out this to-do list of better habits, I'm going to sign off from this post and actually go to sleep before two a.m. This has been fun. I'm looking forward to continuing to write every day. I'll soon be transitioning this kind of post to antonseim.blogspot.com. Thanks for reading!

4 comments:

Anonymously Me said...

I feel like I read the Bible the same way as you - with a healthy (and sometimes unhealthy) dose of skepticism. It's like I'm looking for contradictions and things that can't possibly be true. But, at the end of the day, I have to believe that every word of the Bible is true, whether it seems like it or not, and whether it makes sense to me or not.

Romans is one of my favorite books ever, and also one of the most confusing. A friend and I were recently discussing Romans 9. That's some tough stuff.

Also, I really like reading your blog. Not to be creepy or anything.

Anton Seim said...

Not creepy at all! In fact, a comment you made a few months ago really inspired me and I've been meaning to write about how I got into filmmaking (maybe these posts are sort of in that vein)…Thanks for reading and commenting, I like your blog too!

crackers and cheese said...

Anton, I'm so happy that you're writing these kinds of posts again! I eagerly read your latest 7 posts last night and enjoyed hearing your voice and personality again. I understand the need to preserve a professional image for your career, but I think as an artist that you can afford to be more vulnerable and that's more accepted for an artist to do, than say an accountant. You are a story teller, after all.

Anton Seim said...

Kelly, you're right! I am going to take your advice and continue writing. Thank you for the encouragement!